The Pain in Silence
by RAWRsuzie
Summary: …and she holds him; or holds what's left of him because he isn't who he used to be anymore and she loses another piece of him everyday…


**The Pain in Silence**

Its midnight when she finds him.

She's not sure how long the search for him has gone (minutes, hours?) but it's gone long enough for her to go into high-anxiety mode. It's the adrenaline she swears, making her hands shake, thighs burn. Her head spinning not only from the amount of time she's spent running around in circles searching for him but also due to the lack of…breakfast…lunch…dinner? -it has been a long night.

He just sits there propped up against their special tree, eyes fixated up at the sky, without a care in the world.

He probably doesn't know how long she'd been looking for him.

But that's okay because she is all but used to it by now. It wasn't the first time he'd disappeared nor would it be the last-that much they both were sure of. So she (again) kneels down to eye level with him, piercing violet meeting bright turquoise in a melancholy of emotions, as she routinely repeats the same sentence said every time he runs off in hopes of getting the slightest reaction from him. "Riku, it's me Kairi, do you have any idea what time it is? Your mom and dad are very worried about you…"

Not even a twitch.

But that was okay, like I said, Kairi was used to it. "C'mon let's get you home now."

She slings his arm across her shoulders and hoists them both from the ground. They steadily make their way across the sand, each heavy step complemented with a _crunch _from the sand below and when they make it back to her boat she gently eases him down and steps in after he's situated.

She begins to row.

It's a quiet task, both strenuous and tedious but as you know she was used to it by now. This was probably the eighth time he'd disappeared this week…or was it the ninth? Her little red-head shakes as she keeps herself out of dwelling in petty thoughts opting to rather try and get her silent friend to talk instead. "Did you have a good day Riku?"

"…"

To no avail of course, but it didn't keep her from persisting on.

"The weather was nice, a tad bit chilly though. Good thing we had jackets right?"

"…"

"Yeah, then again it was very sunny so I guess we would have been fine without one."

"…"

"Today was nice."

This is what it had come to, her mindless babbling and his oath to silence…

Had it always been like this? Of course not. But it's been such a long time it's hard for her to remember when it even started…

…now she's just lying to herself.

Kairi knows exactly how it started, the date, the time, the minute, the seconds, the exact moment when it happen; she'd witnessed it all. The exact moment when life seemingly ended as it once was, the exact moment when she lost Riku forever; the exact moment…**Sora was killed.**

-It wasn't Riku's fault, really, he just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Had Sora not been there…well, they all really owed him much more then he could ever receive. His death had been one most tragic but leave it to him to go out in the most noblest of ways. Protecting your best friend…

Riku still wished it had been the sword that pierced through his chest instead and Kairi knows that's what he's thinking too. Who could blame him though? His best friend died in his place-that alone could send anyone into a spiraling depression…to the pits of oblivion with no chances of return.

A place of oblivion…how nostalgic.

And when Sora took that blow…everything just crumbled into pieces, almost the like the world was tearing apart at the very seems. It was insane, how one death could affect people so much.

She wishes…**she wishes it had been Riku instead!**

The oars fall into the water with a splash as her petite hands clasp to the side of her little red-head. She digs her nails into the sides of her skull. Her body slowly rocks back in forth-back and forth-back…and forth.

_I'm such a terrible person…! H-how could I think such awful thoughts about my best friend!_

The boat is shaking-

-No, that was just her.

…There are tears in the brims of her eyes…

When was the last time she'd cried…?

Certainly not after "his" passing, she couldn't then, no, Riku was a wreak enough as it is he couldn't take her crying too. So Kairi did the impossible: blinked back the tears threatening to pour, held in the screams of shear agony bubbling deep down in the pit of her stomach, hid away every emotion tearing away at her soul, shredding her heart and put on a smile. It wasn't an easy process but Riku alone had been her drive-taking care of him was all her thoughts consisted up of now. It was almost like…an obsession but at the same time it wasn't. That was just how she chose to preoccupy her mind and mostly it worked, Riku was certainly good at creating situations to distract her so she wasn't complaining.

They needed each other.

He just for her emotional support and she for the distraction; it was horribly sick that that's all they could do for each other anymore but it was the only way it kept either of them from breaking down-

-Like she is now.

Her breath is labored, eyes wide and frantic as they flicker around to get a bearing of where she is-

_I don't know! I can't remember…who am I again? _She's panicking, can't get any of her thoughts straight-the feeling of fear sets in and she's falling…falling into the pit of unknown…

And then she remembers something: _21 days, 504 hours, 30240 minutes, 1814400 seconds…and counting…counting. 21 days, 504 hours, 30240 minutes, 1814400 seconds ago that…Sora died._

Sora was dead. _Sora was killed._

The worlds spinning again.

Kairi doesn't realize she's on her feet and moving until she collides into Riku.

Her head jerks up to look at him, and all she can do is stare, stare into dull, listless eyes. His dull listless eyes…

…and she holds him; or holds what's left of him because he isn't who he used to be anymore and she loses another piece of him everyday…

Not like she can say anything though, she's was never here to begin with.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: First story to my freshly deleted profile! (...is that something it be proud of?) Anyways, I end up having to delete it and re-upload the story because it just would not show up of Fanfiction for whatever reason...ugh. Oh well. So I guess all I really have to say is enjoy and that reviews are greatly appreciated! **

**My friend asked me the question of what happen to Sora, and the answer-your guess is as good as mine. I leave it to your imagination...for now maybe.(:**


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